Posts tagged self-love
Embracing who you are
 
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It’s a common thing for humans to deny their true essence. Many of us have been ingrained to do so since childhood. There are expectations, learned behaviors, emotional adaptations, and more — all of which create these boxes to protect us, keep us hidden, and help us survive. These boxes become a way of living in and understanding the world. If something goes against what we are comfortable with — ultimately against what the brain has convinced us is *true* based on the information that makes sense to the box *we* created — then our brain will do everything it can to deny, suppress, or fight against it. We don’t know what exists outside of the box, therefore it’s scary, therefore it’s uncomfortable to make space for it, therefore it needs to be proven wrong.

This box that the brain creates becomes so powerful that many of us will choose to exist in a state of dissatisfaction, lack of vigor, (okay, let’s just say it UNHAPPINESS) in order to maintain what is known. But truth doesn’t just go away. The essence of self is something deeper than the biological suit. Denying who you are only delays the process of awakening. And awakening WILL happen. But first, how do you even know whether you are denying yourself? There are certainly the clear and obvious symptoms, which most of us know. But there are some key tells that are a bit more subtle, like:

  • Falling in love, intense attraction or infatuation: What is it about the person that draws you in? These intense and often inescapable emotions are usually an indication that there is something about this person reflecting an aspect of self that wants to be expressed. Explore the emotions instead of pushing them away.

  • Feeling triggered, annoyed by someone, obsessed with a certain topic: Often these obsessions or fixations are trying to tell you something about an aspect of self that is being suppressed or denied. If you are comfortable with your decisions and world view, then these types of things generally won’t annoy or trouble you. Feeling empowered to change a situation is a much different energy than responding with hatred or obsession over someone else’s decisions. Address it with yourself, first, before reacting and attempting to push your point of view.

  • Lack of enthusiasm: Not looking forward to the day? Even on my days off, I practically jump out of bed at 5 a.m., because I can’t wait to start the day. If every day feels the same, if you feel smothered by your obligations, or if you have to schedule things days/weeks/months in advance that you *actually* enjoy, then you are denying your happiness and therefore denying your essence. The natural state is bliss. The natural state is in flow with the cycles and changes of life… not running from them.

I’m not going to delve into depression and anxiety because I’m not a qualified therapist and I won’t pretend to be, but I will talk about my personal experience. I spent many years doing what I thought was normal and necessary in order to achieve a certain standard of living; but achieving a STANDARD is not LIVING. Some mornings, I would be in such deep dread to exist through a simple workday that I made myself physically nauseous. Some days, my anxiety was so intense that I would have to leave my desk, walk, or sit in my car and listen to music just to muster enough strength to continue with my work… just to be able to BREATHE normally. There was a time when I was addicted to news and Twitter updates because it served as a perfect distraction from the reality right in front of me (but now I don’t follow news or watch TV at all). I remember watching the landscapers outside my office building and wondering what I did wrong in life to be locked indoors next to the screen and not out there with the earth.

It wasn’t any one event in particular that was making me anxious or upset (although sometimes it can be masked that way). It was an overall disconnection with myself. I was bored and dissatisfied to the point of misery. The authentic me values freedom, movement, and the natural world. The me I thought I had to be scheduled everything, sat for at least 9 hours a day instead of staying active, stared a computer screen instead of the stars, organized my day based on meetings and menial tasks instead of the sun and movement of planets, and existed inside of a poorly ventilated concrete building instead of being somewhere deep in the woods. Some people thrive in these environments. I am not one of those people. And don’t fool yourself if you aren’t either. There are many stories you can tell yourself to keep a lid on your truth. It’s all (to put it bluntly) bullshit.

This reality isn’t designed to operate in a constant state of denial. You can only push away your desires for so long. If you’re afraid of change, then the best thing you can do is to make the changes for yourself, NOW, before the Universe takes action FOR you. Because what you deny comes back to you with equal and intense force. As my teacher would say, it’s simple physics. The intense anxiety I felt and the mornings when I didn’t want to get out of bed — those were the opposite emotions of what I was meant to experience. When you are in alignment, in connection with your essence, you’ll feel similar intense emotions, but they will be pleasure instead of pain. They will feel natural instead of unmanageable. And sometimes discomfort is necessary in order to come to a state of pleasure. It’s ripping off the cosmic band-aid to heal and become whole again.

And of course, life will still bring experiences or lessons that won’t always be pleasurable. But when you are operating in a state of alignment, then you’ll have the strength and wisdom necessary to navigate these experiences in a way that allows you to grow and learn from them. It’s simply being present with the ebbs and flows, changes and shifts, highs and lows. Everything comes to an end at some point, but since you have the capacity to live NOW, why don’t you?

 
There's no going back
 
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Some people will be afraid of your strength.
Be strong anyways.

Some will dislike your boundaries.
Protect yourself anyways.

Those close to you may lash out when they can’t control you.
Stay in your sovereignty. Find a new tribe.

Some may laugh or roll their eyes at your ideas.
Let them. And then keep seeking, keep learning.

Many won’t understand your freedom, your wild nature.
That’s okay, because your reality is awesome.

Some may prefer you when you’re weak or needy.
But you are here to choose to be empowered and radiant.

The ones who try to pull you down from your power and light are testing your strength. They want you back in the shadows where they can see you and hold power over you.

But you’ve worked this hard.
You’ve come this far.
You’ve healed yourself in ways you never thought possible.
And there’s no going back.
Because it only gets better.
🌈

 
Reclaim your power
 
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Today is the perfect day to reclaim your power.
It doesn’t matter if you let things slide for a while.
Or if you defaulted to a trauma-based response.
Or if you repeated the same patterning you thought you mastered.
If you fell prey to fear, deceit, pressure, or manipulation.
If you let the neptunian fog of January cloud your vision.
It doesn’t matter.
It’s all okay.
Yesterday is yesterday.
And transformation doesn’t happen overnight.
The same lessons and tests manifest on repeat to build your strength.
To help you master self-worth.
To remind you of what still needs to heal.
And it’s all okay.
Because today, tomorrow, or whenever you are ready,
You can make the decision to reclaim your power.
To remember
KNOW
that you’re fu€king worthy.
To give yourself to devotion,
The best of life,
The best of love,
And walk away from anything less.

 
As I love you
 
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Can you love yourself
Exactly as you are?
Can you wipe away the tears of pain
When you were not enough
Or too much?
Can you see your beauty
As clearly as the imperfections?
Can you see yourself
As I see you?

Will you allow the fear of rejection
To keep you from true intimacy?
Will you allow the past to shame you
Into complacency?
Will you tear down the barriers
To vulnerability?

Can you surrender control
And let the mother in
To hold you
The father
To guide you?
Can you love yourself
As I love you?

 
Letting Go
 
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Autumn sings her hymns of letting go.
Let it go, the leaves whisper
as they transform and release
effortlessly into the ground.
Let it go, shout the voices from my past.
Let it go, begs my karmic path.

And there were times when I let go,
instead of speaking for my truth.
There were times letting go trapped
me in a cycle of complacency.
Rather than fight for what I wanted
or how I felt,
I let it go.
When I asserted boundaries and they
backfired, I surrendered.
I let go of my ego.
I let go of my voice.
I let go of my worth.

And now I know that harmony
doesn’t mean surrender.
It doesn’t mean settling, enduring.
It doesn’t compromise or accept
duty over love.
I know that wanting something happens
for a reason. To teach me
that I’m worthy enough to receive it.
And when doubt stands in the way,
tries to convince me that I’m better off,
or that I should give up,
I let doubt go.

 
Cultivating exquisite balance
 
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The theme of relationship and balance keeps resonating this month. I recently stumbled upon a blog post that discussed the solar plexus connection between twin flame relationships. According to this writer, twin flames share the same masculine/solar/manifestation energy. If one twin is in a creation and manifestation phase, the other twin will be in a dormant, receptive phase. The twin who is not utilizing the masculine solar plexus energy will sometimes feel helpless in their ability to change their situation or create a new one. Oftentimes the energies will shift back and forth between the two. Ideally, there should be a balance in the use of energy, but this doesn't happen unless there is acknowledgement of the connection.

This seemed depressing to me, but then I thought about how our entire lives are a constant journey to find and achieve balance. In work, we may go through periods of intense stress and busy-ness followed by periods of stagnancy. In relationships, if we find one person who fulfills so many of our intimate needs, we may spend less time on other relationships. If there are certain aspects of our lives that seem lacking, we may seek out people who fill those gaps with their personalities or lifestyles. Oftentimes, things naturally fall into balance without us even noticing or realizing, because the Universe operates in this way.

There are also many ways that the pendulum can swing into extremes. We have equally as much wealth, power, and entitlement in this world as we have poverty and suffering. There are extremes of people seeking salvation as there are people seeking distraction from anything that allows them to feel. We have enough food to feed the entire planet, but the power (and our willingness to give that power away) to control is too strong. Eventually the pendulum will swing in the other direction, but the transition will be messy. The ideal in all situations is to find that exquisite balance -- the neutral point where the pendulum ceases to exist.

The simple acknowledgement and understanding that things will find a way to balance is enough to create your reality. If you knew that you were balancing your power center with a twin flame, would you want to utilize all of that power for yourself? Or would you want both of you to succeed? If we disagree with someone, do we want to destroy them and take them down, or do we simply want to make sure all voices are heard? It is possible to be completely empowered in your own being-ness and purpose and still allow others to achieve the same -- even if they are different.

The need to control or give away power is just a distraction. It's an unconscious behavior that keeps us in a loop of disconnection. Real balance comes with understanding, self-love, love of others, and the desire and ability to serve and share your gifts. If we ignore the pendulum, the distractions and the noise, they will cease to exist.

 
Being okay with being different

My name is Mandi Garrison and I care about what people think of me. While it’s true that I’m quirky, I tend to rebel against what people want or expect, and I make my own decisions on my own timelines — all of that comes from a subconscious desire to successfully integrate with other humans. If I tried to mold myself in a different way to “fit in,” I would fail terribly and become a social outcast. It’s just not in my DNA.

And even though I may preach against domestication and societal norms, in reality, I care very deeply whether people value my contributions and understand my perspective. In fact, often the people who shout from the rooftops, “I DON’T CARE WHAT ANYONE THINKS,” actually are the ones who care very deeply, perhaps more than most. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. We are biologically created to connect, coexist, and help one another. Caring deeply about what other people think is an empathic trait that helps us find meaningful connection and evolve. Sensitivity is a beautiful gift.

The issue comes when we try to shut that part of us down. Rather than admit, “this is me, and I care about how you see me,” sensitive, empathic people may wind up in one or more of the following scenarios:

  1. Insist that we don’t care and become aggressive, impatient, or defensive when challenged.
  2. Create stories or misleading scenarios to develop the image we want others to see. In the world of social media, we can become so attached to our public image that we start to act like everyone is watching.
  3. Make decisions based on others’ expectations, and forget what we really want. This ultimately leads to unhappiness or a crisis in purpose.
    (I have been guilty of this and often catch myself. Do I want this thing, or do I want the recognition of this thing? Did I make the choice that I wanted, or was it the choice that was expected?)
  4. Are unable to change to please others, and so for fear of being embarrassed, shut down or become secluded.
    (I have been guilty of this many times.)
  5. Create stories or projections about other people based on assumptions or imagined hurts and endanger meaningful relationships.

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz touches on this in a powerful way. "The impact of other people’s opinions and reactions to us became a very strong force in the habits we created. In this process we created agreements in our mind of who we should be, what we shouldn’t be, who we were, and who we were not. Over time we learned to live our life based on the agreements in our own mind. We learned to live according to the agreements that came from the opinion of others. In this process of domestication it turns out that the choices we make and the life we live is more driven by the opinions we learned from others than one we would choose on our own."

All of these scenarios have one thing in common: it can make us drift away from self-love.

Love who you are. We are all intelligently designed, beautiful and amazing individuals with our own unique blueprint. How cool is that? Every one of us is different and unique. I find that so amazing. Yes, it’s important and normal to relate to the experiences of others, but we are different. And that is cool.

So what makes you different? Forget for a moment about what you want other people to know or read or see. What makes you YOU?

Have you ever just spent time with yourself? One of the most beautiful practices is spending time just hanging out with yourself. Do the things you want to do. Try not to “check out” with the television or cellphone, just simply sit with your own thoughts and emotions. Remember who you are, your best moments, the things you like to do, a conversation with someone that touched you, something that made you laugh, a moment when you felt like someone understood you. These things help bring you back to yourself.

There are some clues to help you if you get stuck. For example, have you ever fallen in love? I truly believe when we drift away from ourselves, we suddenly fall in love with someone or something that offers us a clue as to what we truly desire. It is one of the Universe’s mysterious ways of getting us back on track. Have you ever experienced incredible anxiety or unhappiness for no apparent reason? That can offer us clues as to what we don’t want. In the book, Finding Your Own North Star, Martha Beck writes about how people tend to get sick often when they are trapped in a job, situation, etc., that is out of alignment with who they are and what they want.

I also believe that as a species, we are becoming more open and aware to what we are, where we come from, and how we are unique. It’s okay to be different. Be okay with being different. Love being different. Love YOU.

My name is Mandi Garrison, and I care about what people think of me, but I will never change who I am. I'm okay with being different.

What about you?

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